Facing 21

I turn 21 years old in a handful of days. I’ve been dreaming about it almost every night and thinking about it every day. Coincided? A little. I am a Leo for crying out loud. But honestly, it’s mostly worry… or amazement. On one hand, I’m worried about what the future of the beginning of major adulthood looks like, but I’m also happy I’ve made it this far and can’t believe I’m actually 21 years old.

Within 6 months I’ll be 21, have a degree, move— at least. I’m going to be a young professional, like I’ve always wanted, but now that I’m staring at it in the face, I’m intimidated. I have a lot of changes to make. I’m thinking the intimidation comes from not feeling “fully” adult, whatever that means. I still have roommates, I still break out, my car is smashed, I have a semester of college left… I think the idea of an adult (at least in my head) has been made out to be this perfect, young professional woman when that may not be the truth. Because of that, it feels unobtainable at the moment.

I’ve been slowly realizing that I lost who I am and everything that makes me, me since becoming legal. I’ve been reading The Audacity to be Queen by Gina DeVee and it’s the kick I needed for inspiration. Books are really inspirational and open up my creativity, especially biographies and self-help books. Since I turned 18 I’ve lost my sense of independence, drive, passion, and confidence. The problem on top of that is, those are some of my core personality traits. I’m a Queen who takes 7 college classes at 16 years old while paying for it, working, and doing extra curriculars. Where did I go?

One thing that I want to do to prepare for my entry into deep adulthood (who can tell me I’m not an adult now?) is revamp my wardrobe. It may sound pretentious, but I think I have too many t-shirts for someone who is about to enter the professional workforce. I’ve been collecting professional button downs from my grandmother over the years, but I don’t have pants/shoes/causal shirts to wear. My first addition is a pair of leopard print mules from Target and I loveeee them. Maybe I’ll make a thread on my new threads.

I don’t know where to add this, but 21 is also scary to me because people that I admire die around this age. I definitely don’t have the same lifestyle as them, but watching people you admire die around the age you’re about to be is bone-chilling.

Thanks for listening to me vent, Giada

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