Your life is a garden, and you choose who goes through the gate.
Imagine your garden is a circle. You are in the middle, the gardener, and there are rings of different crops or plants surrounding you, the most favored being closer to you. On the very edge of your garden, there is a cute fence, keeping out all of the things you don’t want in your amazing garden that you take care of.
This week I’m handing the blog post over to my little sister (11), to share her favorite TV shows to watch on Netflix. The next time your kids are super bored, or you’re having a hard time babysitting, flip one of these bad boys on. She rates each of these 10/10, would recommend.
I don’t know if you all have heard of the phenomenon of the “Growth Mindset” by Carol Dweck, but it’s basically a how-to in changing your words and mentality to become more successful in life. I plan to use this “Growth Mindset” approach in my tutoring and self-criticism.
Before you decide this is a crunchy-hippie-doesn’t-actually-work-thing, check out the actual research done in order to prove it works:
The opposite of the growth mindset is the fixed mindset which believes you are born with a certain amount of smartness. People with the fixed mindset are less likely to take challenges and runs away in the face of effort. Here’s a comparison chart:
I’m going to cut to the chase with my own ideas of how to implement this genius technique into your lives:
When you are Self-Criticizing (especially in school work):
Do not think that just because you are struggling in classes and have to work harder than others that makes you generally stupid or less intelligent than anybody else.
Believe you can succeed! Do not just give up.
Failure is okay- just make sure you stand up after you fall.
It is totally okay to get help, and that does not make you less intelligent. If anything, it makes you more intelligent than sitting around not understanding something.
Fun thing to do: Make a reminder poster with how to change your thoughts!
When you are Tutoring or Teaching:
Rephrase what you want to say, for example, instead of saying “You made a mistake” try saying “You haven’t grasped this concept yet. Let me explain this another way.” Because this lets the student know that they aren’t a failure- they made a mistake, but it’s not as final as they believe it to be- they just don’t understand YET, rather than not at all.
Some more examples are:
Instead of, “You are so smart!” say, “You are working very hard- I can tell!” It inspires the student to keep doing well instead of excepting that they have reached their goal and can stop now.
Instead of saying, “You always get good grades; that makes me happy.” Say, “When you put forth effort, your grades show it! You should be proud of yourself for working hard. I am proud of you!” The first phrase makes the student think that it’s just the grade itself that makes you happy, while the second phrase makes the student think that you appreciate their hard work and that’s what makes you happy, inspiring them to keep working hard.
Instead of telling a student, “Yes, you got the answer correct, you are just so smart.” Say, “Wow, it looks like you have been studying! Good job!” This lets them know that they study for a reason, and they will be rewarded for it.
As a reminder to everyone, make a bulletin in your work-space or classroom! The chart below has some good examples to use.
Also, when you hear your students talking negatively about themselves, help them turn their mindset around!:
Compliment their hard work, not their intelligence. (“Wow, this poster looks great! I bet you worked super hard on it!”) So that if somebody doesn’t like it, they do not correlate that with them being stupid.
Don not name call, degrade, or attack the person because you do not like them or because you are mad at them.
Instead of saying, “You made a mistake right here,” Try saying, “Hey, I think you overlooked this area- it is supposed to be __ in stead of ___.” This lets the person know that you are not trying to insult them, but rather show them the right way.
You can use the same basis of the tutoring or teaching style section, since they have the same goal.
First off , I’m not going to go on some monotonous rant about positivity that you’ve read/heard 8,000,000 times. I know how difficult it is to stay positive when you feel completely, utterly, indescribably horrible. I personally struggle with depression and a roller-coaster of a life so trust me- I understand, and these are some things I do to keep myself semi-sane.
I’m the kind of person that needs support. It doesn’t matter if it’s from one person or 80- I need somebody that I feel like I can talk to about whatever is going on. I usually lean on my super awesome and very supportive boyfriend of 3 years. He listens to me and will offer advice if I ask for it. If you are looking for somebody to talk to; parents, siblings, grandparents, significant other, teacher, adviser, friend… Anyone you deem worthy. I just suggest not keeping everything bottled up and then exploding.
I pour myself into my work. Whether it be homework, blogging, planning my day, cooking, running errands- whatever. I pour my mind and body into what I’m doing. It helps me stay distracted while providing me with my need to feel productive.
Depending on how bad I feel, sometimes I need to do something completely unproductive to clear my mind. Today for instance, I received very bad news. So, I played the heck out of Star Wars Battlefront and watched a ton of 90210 episodes. I focused on Naomi’s event planning and blowing up imperials with homing missiles instead of the news I received.
I actually acknowledge my feelings. It’s okay to cry, and if that’s how you express your sadness- cry. Know that you’re sad and why and just accept that you’re a human being that has emotions.
I try to maintain my yoga/fitness schedule. When you’re stressed out and sad is when you need it the most. Focus on your breathing instead of your problems, and don’t let your body go to $#!& because you’re sad.
I take time away from everybody else. It’s hard for me to be around people when I’m hurting, so I stay away. I’ll go play a game or write; that’s what I’m doing right now. If you can stand it, take one of those pamper yourself baths. (With Jaedyn’s Natural Cosmetics- as soon as it launches!)
I try to find someone that is going through the same thing, or better yet, someone who did and got through it. I’ve been wanting to talk to these two guys I know that are going/went through some of what I’m going through now. I feel like they can offer advice that will help me to stop free falling with my emotions.
I avoid things that will trigger negative emotions. I try to steer clear of anything that will make me feel worse.
I maintain my healthy diet because it sucks to feel mentally ran over and physically ran over.
I do things that I know will make me happy. I’ll buy myself something small, or go eat some ice-cream loaded with hot fudge.
My little brother has great… I guess… “guy beauty supplies”? I personally love how guy products smell and would rather use them over “girly smelling” products any day- I guess it’s preference. In this post I’ll be sharing with you a few things that my brother has that are definitely worth buying. (This is not a sponsored post)
Dove Men+Care Extra Fresh Body and Face Wash I use this product as a normal body wash and it smells so good! For about $5 for a big bottle at any drug store, it also comes in many different scents and sizes. Dove Men+Care even has special sensitive skin lines.
Old Spice Swagger Red Zone Deodorant This one may be a stretch for some ladies, but let me tell you: This keeps you smelling good all day no matter how long you stay out. And honestly, it doesn’t even smell “boyish”. It smells like pine trees. Get this for about $3 at any store that sells men’s hygiene supplies.
Dove Men+Care Clean Comfort Antiperspirant Deodorant This deodorant slides smoothly on your skin and doesn’t leave the ugly white lines and clumps that female deodorant (sometimes) leaves. It smells really good, but also pretty manly for all of the girly-girls reading.