Facing Anxiety-Driven Procrastination

It’s like I know what to do but I just can’t do it. It reminds me of Kylo Ren in Star Wars. tenor.gif

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New (For Me) Things I’m Trying for Anxiety

In my journey with crippling anxiety, I feel like I’ve seen it all; every tip, every trick. I refuse to mislead my readers by saying these are “new” techniques, but they are things that I haven’t taken seriously enough.

As cliche as it is, it’s 2020 and I’m sick of having this dark cloud and fear attached to me even when I’m supposed to be happy. These will hopefully become habitual for me.

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An Inside Look at My Crystal Collection

I’ve been an avid healing crystal collector for some time now, but I just (relatively) recently starting taking it more seriously. For the past few months, I’ve been seeing my wizard friend Paul who has been checking me for negative energy and suggesting crystals for me.

Right now I have 14 crystals; Red Jasper, Carnelian, Citrine, Adventurine, Sodalite, Clear Quartz, Amethyst, Selenite, Tree Agate, Labradorite, Angelite, Kyanite, and 2 Black Tourmaline. The first 7 are my chakra crystals.

Here’s a look at my happy little crystals (in order from above):

Photo by fotografierende

I’m a Size WHAT?

Over the past year and a half, I’ve gone through a significant bra size change that would’ve rocked 13-year-old me’s world.

Personally, this dilemma started for me when I was a 32C. My bras started getting very tight and my immediate thought was, “Oh it must be because I’m gaining weight. Maybe I’m just a 34 sized band.” So I went to a 34C. For a while that was okay, but once again, they got too tight.

It didn’t even cross my mind at first that I was a D. In my head, D cups were the baseline of huge, pornstar boobs. I had it in my head what I thought D-cups were supposed to look like and decided that there’s no way that could be me. I thought, “I’ve always had small boobs, everyone has told me that, so how the hell could be a D?”

Finally, I broke down after I got tired of red marks and repositioning my bra 50 times a day and went to Victoria’s Secret. (Not an ad.) I tried on a 32D “just to see” and I was shocked when it fit me like a glove.

That was great for a while, but I’m older now and it’s changed again. Recently, my bras started to hurt whenever I would wear them. I’m lucky I’m in college because I can get away with not wearing a bra (#FreeTheNipple), but sadly, sometimes I must wear one. For example at advisor meetings, professor meetings, presentations, a nice dinner, etc. I feel more comfortable wearing a bra than not.

Today I went to go get sized because I couldn’t tell what was wrong. I tried a 34C; way too tight. My 32D’s were way too tight. Walking in the store, I assumed my band size was just wrong, but I’m really glad I got sized because now I really understand what goes into a perfect fit.

Turns out I’m a 32DD. I would never have thought the day would come. And I thought D’s were pornstar boobs. I still don’t have what I picture as DDs, which I guess have to be FFF’s in real life, but I’m so much more comfortable now. And now I don’t have to go meet with my professors in a baggy t-shirt with no bra on.

Most women are wearing the wrong bra size. Do a quick search if you don’t believe me. Also, you’re supposed to get a new bra after ~6 months because of the wear and stretching.

Take-Home Message

The best, most summarizing piece of advice I have is to forget all of your preconceived notions about bra sizes. What you think a “D” is might be an “E”. What you think a “36” is might be a “32”. If you’re trying to find the perfect size for you, you need to let go of what you think you need to be. 

Photo by fsHH

Crying and Crystals

I’ve always been interested in crystals and stones because, well, they’re beautiful and I’m a geology nut, but also because of their natural healing properties for living things. If you haven’t read it yet, I recently had my first selenite wand experience and WOW. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried.

So under the advice and guidance of my local wizard (lol no just a healer) I’ve been healing with chakra stones and some others.

Here’s my arsenal:

Chakras: 

  • Root – Red Jasper
  • Sacral – Carnelian
  • Solar Plexus – Citrine
  • Heart – Adventurine
  • Throat – Sodalite
  • Third Eye – Amethyst
  • Crown – Clear Quartz

Others: 

  • Tree Agate
  • Black Tourmaline
  • Angelite
  • Selenite

Something “weird” that happens to me when I use my crystals for healing (rather than just holding on to them) is that I cry. Not sad tears, not angry tears, but happy, relieved tears. I called my guy and he said it’s totally normal, it’s just the kind of person I am. (I believe he was referring to me being highly sensitive but I’m not sure). Tears just come out, unforced, which is weird for me, and my spirit is lifted and happy. I rarely ever describe myself as happy or cry, which now that I think about it seems a little contradicting. It’s almost addicting to feel this good. I’m glad it’s stones and crystals rather than meth lol.

There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that we are connected to the earth, so of course we are connected to crystals and stones. Shit, did you know ice is a mineral? Geologists argue about it, but it has all 5 of the characteristics that make up a mineral. And what are we made of? WATER. Like, come on. I don’t see how some people refuse to connect the dots and take the information laid out in front of them.

Giada

My First Selenite Wand Experience

“Holy shit,” I mumbled as my body started to tingle. When the shop owner was detecting my negative energy on his own I was fine, but when I took the selenite wand into my own hands I immediately felt it sucking the badness out of me; my left hand and right shoulder to be exact.

My legs started to give in and blood felt like it was rushing to my head. I became hyper-aware of how my body was feeling and all I could say was, “I’m going to pass out. I’m going to pass out.” All because I was holding a selenite wand in my hands.

“Just hang on a little longer,” The shopkeeper, Paul, said to me. Eyes wide, I obviously wanted to shove it back into his hands, but I was frozen in an equal mixture of terror and amazement. I didn’t expect this to happen; not because I don’t believe in “this stuff” but because I know some practices are questionable. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but that was not it.

After the cleansing was over and I settled down a little, my recent behaviours started to make more sense to me. When I was in the shop holding the stones that I wanted, all of a sudden I started to get a panic attack (which isn’t rare for me) and I wanted to flee the store. I’m convinced that the negative energy sensed what was coming for it and tried to get me, and therefore it, out of “harms” way.

When running the wand over me, he stopped at my left palm.

“Is that a real tattoo?” He asked in regards to my faded “A”.

“Yeah, I have 3.” Which I’m now realizing isn’t even true, I have 4.

He keeps going along my wingspan, passing my bee tattoo, and stops at my third, my poodle.

“There’s some right here, too.” Paul said, wand hovering.

“My poodle?” I joked, frowning.

“No, no,” He started, “It’s not the tattoo itself, the symbol, or the meaning. For some reason, bad energy just likes to go to them.”

He also detected my stomach problems with the wand, which I had never mentioned.

That’s when he passed the wand on to me. I had watched the woman before me hold it and nothing happened to her. She was free of negative energy. After me my father held it and he too was free of negative energy. They’re very rare– 1/1,000.

I also learned that while empaths and sensitives are very similar, they are not the same.

At the end of my trip I got a sage mist, chakra stones (red jasper, sodalite, aventurine, carnelian, citrine, tree agate, and crystal quartz.), labradorite, selenite, angelite, amethyst, and black tourmaline. Paul cleansed my stones for me with selenite and my hand started shaking because of the stones vibrations.

This was one of the most unexplainable, spiritual things that have ever happened to me. I know it’s going to sound like reaching to most people, but I’m serious. None of this is fabricated– it’s my real life experience that happened to me about an hour ago.

And get this– Paul is a friggin engineer. Out of all of the people that could be into this, an ENGINEER. I love it.


Photo is from Poshmark

Is AMC Premiere Worth $15?

There are 2 types of basic reward memberships for AMC Theaters; Insider and Premiere. While Insider is free, Premiere costs $15 a year. While that may be an instant turn off to any novice penny-pincher, I’m here to tell you that with this membership, not only are there ample opportunities to make your money back, but loads of savings as well. Why listen to me? I sell these and see the savings Premiere customers rack up on a daily basis.

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Shows for Psychology Lovers

As a psych major I love learning new things about psychology or seeing interpretations of mental illness that aren’t cheesy classroom videos. Mental health tends to be on display in the media, especially TV shows. I’ve put together a list of shows that personally remind me of psychology.

The United States of Tara

Tara has dissociative identity disorder; known in the past as mutli-personality disorder. Tara is a mother of 2 and a wife, which makes her DID complicate her life. I’ve only seen a few episodes but my step sister loved it.

90210

Not all of the show is centered around psychology-based topics, but one of the main characters has bipolar disorder and they show her manic episodes and explain them. The actress who plays Silver, the bipolar girl, is really good at not making bipolar look like something it’s not like other media interpretations. On the other hand you get to see the social psychology amongst teens and young adults such as social comparison, cognitive dissonance, etc. It’s a really good show and I cried when it ended.

Legion

This is a new show and it isn’t mental illness that’s being showcased, but superpowers. David, the main character, reminds me of schizophrenia, PTSD, and DID. In the show he was diagnosed with schizophrenia as a child. The Loudermilks are literally joined together, reminding me of DID. Kerry lives inside of Cary, and only ages when she comes out. It’s a totally complicated show (it makes my head spin) based off of Marvel but it has almost nothing to do with the comics.

Gilmore Girls

I’ve seen some of the old episodes, but apparently everyone is raving about how accurately mental illness is depicted in the new episodes. Emily and Lorelei go to therapy and the general disarry of their lives feel relatable to many with mental illnesses. Some even reported in engaging in downwards self comparison to the struggling characters.

Jessica Jones

Our main character of this Marvel show, Jessica Jones, has severe PTSD. The scenes where she has flashbacks are intense. She has life-like, interactive flashbacks triggered by visiting the areas where her and her “ex” (it’s more complicated than that) visited. There are crazy events that take place where she has to face this ex and her PTSD gets in the way.

Orange is the New Black

Lolly has schizophrenia and Crazy Eyes has not been officially diagnosed but a plethora of symptoms have been seen on the show. Lori Petty, who plays Lolly said, “It doesn’t mean you can’t be funny or smart just because you have paranoid schizophrenia.” The actresses and creators of the show are obviously dedicated to making this show be an accurate portrayal of mental illness. I have not watched season 2+, but I may now!

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

My best friend EATS. THIS. SHOW. UP. I was reading articles for this show and I think this article on Revelist puts the basis of the show the best, “Her obsession with rekindling their teenage flame is the lens that unveils Rebecca’s spiraling anxiety and depression. “This is what happy feels like,” she often tells herself, though her reality is completely opposed to that mantra. Those decisions — ditching her medication and upending her life to pursue a man who’s already in a relationship — unfurls the ferocity of her mental illness.”

Gossip Girl

First off all Blair had/has a bulimia nervosa and she is definitely narcissistic. Eric van der Woodsen is impatient at a mental health facility because he tried to kill himself in the first season. Some would argue that Chuck and Lily are also narcissists, and I definitely believe that Bart is a sociopath. It’s very easy to see all of the social psychology and psychology of personality in these characters, which I love.

Revenge

Revenge shows the main character’s PTSD through flashbacks and how she plans to avenge her father.

Relieve Anxiety: Don’t Forget These First-Day Essentials!

Uh-oh. School is starting again. Props to to the excited ones *rolls eyes*.

I’m sort of kidding, I am excited, but there’s some weirdness going on with my classes so I’m not holding my breath.

Anyways, I was just about to pack my bag for tomorrow and figured I should write a blog post about what to bring to your first day of classes!

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Learning About Boundaries: Your Garden

Your life is a garden, and you choose who goes through the gate.

Imagine your garden is a circle. You are in the middle, the gardener, and there are rings of different crops or plants surrounding you, the most favored being closer to you. On the very edge of your garden, there is a cute fence, keeping out all of the things you don’t want in your amazing garden that you take care of.

Think of it as Plants VS Zombies.

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